Thou Shalt not . . . Covet

I've been in a really bad mood today.  Perhaps it is a combination of wanting a cigarette so bad I'm literally dreaming about them, and my frustration with . . . being bored and alone.  Oh no!  Not the deadly combo!  Or shall I say, the deadly trinity?  No cigs and bored and alone.  Isn't there a movie about this called . . . "The Passion" or "Reality Bites" or something like that . . . I can't remember.

Anyway, my frustration has now lead to me coveting others.  Everyone does this.  Whether it's the neighbor's Christmas light display, or the corner office, we all want something that someone else has.  The "something" isn't just exclusive to tangible things either.  And when I start switching to the intangibles, I know I got issues that I really need to deal with. 

No.  No.  I am not coveting that woman standing outside the mall smoking a cigarette.   

This craving too shall pass. 

Nor am I coveting that woman with the screaming children.  

Because she is anything but bored.  

Ah, yes!  That's it!  There it is, my source of pain, my Golgotha, if you will--Seeing, hearing, reading about people in relationships.  And not just anyone in relationships--I'm sure many of you reading this are in relationships, and you're like, "Dude, get over your single-ass-self already."

But it's not YOU . . .  Trust me. 

It's the dudes I've slept with, had relationships with, or was "screwed" over by, who are now somehow in SEEMINGLY PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS and/or marriages.  These are guys who magically turned from PIECES OF SHIT into dating material, what like, overnight????  Clearly, there is a reason why I am not with these guys right now.  A real-life, the universe said oh-hell-no, reason.  But that doesn't make it any easier to wrap my brain around.  AARRRGGGG.

I suppose I just gotta get this off my chest and go back to living in the present moment--where happiness lies.  It helps to focus on today and not dwell on what happened in the past or what someone has now.  Because, honestly, it is not the "present" relationships that I am coveting.  I am coveting what it was that these girls had that I lacked.  What was it that made it work?  Hmmm . . .anyway. . .the present moment would be a lot better with a cigarette though . . . shit.

I also know that I have to chill with this "woe is me and my single alone and bored self", but it's real and it's what's rattling my chain right now.  Most of the time I am cool with this single gig.  I realize that I do not need to be in a relationship to feel complete or to be happy.  It would be nice, but it's not necessary.

Plus, what the hell would I write about . . . religion?

Peace,
Nik

(I'm smoking vicariously through them . . .)