Sh*t My Dad Says

I was cracking up while reading this book.  I loved it!  Essentially it's about a 27-year-old guy whose girlfriend breaks up with him, he moves back in with his 74-year-old father and mother, starts to Tweet about well . . .Sh*t his Dad says . . . and kaboom!  Book deal.

Here are a few quotes from "Sh*t My Dad Says" by Justin Halpern for your lovely July afternoon:

ON MY FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN
"You thought it was hard?  If kindergarten is busting your ass, I got some bad news for you about the rest of life."

ON CHIVALRY
"Give your mother the front seat . . . I don't give a shit if she said you could have it, that's what she's supposed to do, and you're supposed to say, 'No, I insist.'  You think I'm gonna drive around with my wife in the backseat and a nine-year-old in the front?  You're a crazy son of a bitch." 

ON BREAKING THE NEIGHBOR'S WINDOW FOR THE THIRD TIME IN A YEAR
"What in the hell is the matter with you?  This is the third time!  You know, at this point I think it's the neighbor's fault . . . No not really, it's your fucking fault, I'm just in denial right now that my DNA was somehow involved in something this stupid."

ON YARD WORK
"What are you doing with that rake? . . . No, that is not raking . . . What?  Different styles of raking?  No, there's one style, and then there's bullshit.  Guess which one you're doing?"

ON CURFEW
"I don't give a shit what time you get home, just don't wake me up.  That's your curfew: not waking me up."

LOL,
Nik