The Annoying Meter

If you work at any job where you have to call a lot of people, I'm sure you can relate . . .

The following are the 5 most annoying things I encounter when calling people at work:

#5
I have this theory that dogs, bees, and old people can smell fear. I truly believe that as the body ages the hearing goes, but the olfactory senses are heightened. Therefore, my in-person interactions with old people are horrendous. I like old people (but they still scare the crap out of me, because at any moment they can attack) . . . they just don't like me. Either way, the phone interaction is a whole new ball game. It involves a lot of screaming--because they can't hear me or because they think I can't hear them? I haven't quite figured this out yet. Anyway there is not much one can do but scream through it, I guess.

#4
Letting children answer the phone may seem convenient and even cute, but it's really just a terrible waste of time. I cannot tell you the amount of times I've been hung up on recently. If your child is skilled enough to have a conversation with you in person then it's probably cool to test out his or her phone skills. If not, how about we leave telephone time for the plastic, red toy in the toy box and try again next year? PS--I love kids and a few love me (whatup to my niece and nephew!) but geeze . . .

#3
Reciting a quote and/or a passage from literature. No one likes to be preached at and that is how actually comes off (even if that was not the intention). It does not come off as clever or intelligent, it comes off as preach-y. It gives no contact information (most of the time) and I have no idea if I've reached Walt Whitman or Sarah Smith.

#2
Saying "Hello!" . . . . Pause . . . . "Hello". Pause again. . . . BEEP!!! Oh my God, I totally thought that was you dude! You are so clever! You just tricked me into thinking that I was talking to you. Thanks ass-face. This trick may have been hilarious when you were recording it with your buddies at the frat house, but it really just pisses people off. I hope you remember to update this after the job interview. Ass-face. (yeah, you get two ass-faces for that one.)

And . . . (drum roll please)

#1
RING BACK TONES. It's cool. I totally like Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" too. That song rocks when I'm about 3 drinks in at the bar on a Saturday night. This song does not rock, however, when I am at work and it is blaring 14 decibels higher than the normal range aimed directly into my ear socket. Save the rocking for when it's necessary and get rid of that please.

Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter.

Sincerely,
Nik