Tiger Woods & MY Love Life

So I am just going to be totally honest, the other night I had a little breakdown. It was cathartic and it was very necessary. All the breakdowns I've ever had have always centered around my love life . . . and this one was, of course, no exception.

I'm not sure what it is? What it is that I want? I know that I don't want to be lonely anymore. I know that I am tired of having that breath-stealing feeling that I am missing out on something or that I made the wrong choice somewhere along the way--whether it was breaking up with someone or taking the dream job. I just can't put my finger on it and it is driving me crazy.

I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but you know that feeling, perhaps when you graduated college or high school or start a new job, you know, that feeling, that everything about your daily life is about to change. Well, I had that feeling about a month ago. I was thinking about what it was that I wanted with this change in my life and I distinctly remember asking the universe/God: All I want is to be happy.

Anyway, in my lonely, sobbing, sniffling breakdown a couple of nights ago I got pissed and asked instead, Haven't I been through enough in my life? I am tired of being strong. I just want someone to lean on, God. I just want someone to help me with my life.

Now I know this sounds really depressing and everything, but this is really what I'm going through right now. When I said that I wanted someone to help me with my life, I wasn't talking about a life coach or a psychiatrist. I was talking about a partner. I miss having someone to come home to and talk about my day with. I want a man from Mars to help me fix my problems on Venus. I don't want a guy to pay all my bills, but it would be nice to have help and to have someone to calm me down when I freak out about my financial situation.

We'll get through this . . . together.

I'm afraid I am going to be alone forever. But isn't everyone?--even some people who are already in relationships.

And now this is gonna come totally out of left field but is this type of companionship too good to be true? Am I asking for too much? What with the Tiger Woods scandal and the divorce rate so high. Are we really meant to be monogamous and faithful to one person? With my track record and the media, my faith in this union is waning. Maybe I just need to quit jumping into long term relationships and turn off the damn television?

Then I see people like my mom and my step-father who have been through some pretty rough shit and are still together after 20 years. Or my grandparents who just celebrated their 50 wedding anniversary this past June. Or even my best friend from high school who has a beautiful daughter and loving husband. It's not that I've lost faith in men or in relationships, it's just that I can't put my finger on what it is that is making me unhappy with the whole thing.

Maybe you can help me? I'm not asking you to fix my love life--that's my shrink's job--I just was wondering how you feel about relationships? What are they for? Procreation? Companionship? Can you truly love only one person for the rest of your life and how do you know when you've met that person? Relationships require hard work, but where do you draw the line?

Feel free to comment . . . and like I wrote above,

We'll get through this . . . together.

Sincerely,
Nik