Don't Worry . . . He Doesn't Read This.

Dear __________,

I would like to be properly asked out on a date.  A dinner date.  A movie date.  A "let's go hiking date".  Some form of outing together where there is a clear boundary--being "This IS A DATE.  This is not a friendship outing.  An 'I like you and want to put forth this effort' DATE."

It's been over six years . . . I am tired of meeting you at crowded bars, never one-on-one, but with friends.  I'm tired of being on your weekly or bi-weekly schedule.  I want you to take the time and ask me out on a date.  I am not that scary--well, I can be if you piss me off, so don't piss me off.  K?  But I think you can handle it.

I'm tired of wasting my time with other "prospects" E.G.,

--No, I don't want to look at your tattoo of Texas 14 times.
--I will pass on that shot of liquid cocaine.  Thanks though.
--Wow, you're just getting over your ex-girlfriend?  Cool.  I have the number of a great therapist. 
--Oh, you're in the band.  That's amaaaazing.
--Or, better yet . . . you're on what radio station?
--Thanks for the wonderful, in-depth conversations Wall Street Journal Guy.
--Oh you're how old? 19!!!  Why was this not brought up before??!!
--Ah, well yes, that IS a shark-tooth necklace, now isn't it?!!
--Yup.  You are my pharmacist.

I want . . .
I want a cold beer, the smell of rain, and your hand resting in mine.  I want to read you a sentence that moved me from the book I'm reading before we turn out the lights.  I want you to drive really fast and I won't even be scared.  I want you to make me laugh until I pee my pants . . . a little!  I want to watch you brush your teeth.  I want you to like my cat.  I want to listen to the Blues with the lights off and smoke curling up around us.  I want to be able to lean on you when I have to and for you to have the strength to know that it's OK if you need me too.  I want you there to fix the "boy" things (even though I can if I have to).  I want to fight so hard with you that we have to make up over and over and over again.  I want to watch you plant flowers and cook jambalaya.  I want to squint in order to read your nearly illegible handwriting. 

It'd be so cool if you'd just ask me out on a date.  We might not even like each other that way, but at least we tried.

Sincerely,
Nik

PS:  Call me old-fashioned.  I don't want to do the asking.